Twas the night before Christmas (Eve)

And all through MotoSport

Not a 2-stroke was braapping

A 4-stroke wasn't running either

But we do have them

Sitting in our garage

Waiting to be used

For some future video project


If you think the silly season provides a rough go when looking for stuff to write try coming up with something the week of Christmas. We're all just waiting for the gates to drop on January 9. And, seriously, a week later than last year? Or is it technically this year, because it's still 2015? Last season!

So in the spirit of giving we thought we'd help out some local folk trying to pawn off their dirt bikes to some unsuspecting, I mean, well-informed members of the community looking for a well-used ride. The gems we found could very well compete against Ryan Dungey this year with some slightly small modifications, or in some cases, complete overhauls.

We checked out Craigslist for what's being sold in the Portland metro area and learned the riding community is an active and healthy one. It should be! MotoSport is here. Anyway, if you've ever perused this wonderful community of honest and forthcoming sellers you'll notice that sometimes the descriptions of items sold elicits more questions than answers. And sometimes they don't want you to ask more questions.

So we thought we'd help interpret what the seller is actually trying to say. We've taken a screen shot of the listing so you know we're not making this stuff up. Then we explain what they really mean.

2001 Honda XR200 - $1500

Translation: Is the seller trying to say since it was female owned it's good for another woman? Or is a more subtle jab at women riders everywhere! We say it was probably a gift similar to a bowler giving his wife a bowling ball but with his name on it. Technically it was owned by a woman but ridden into the ground by the man.

1991 Honda CR250 - $600

Translation: Is there anything that hasn't been replaced on this bike? The truth is, the owner did kick the bike once, a la Weston Peick, the resulting fall damaged all the parts listed as new and the owner ran out of money to replace what's left.

Yamaha PW50 - $595

Translation: We found the missing text which we put in parenthesis - (After a yard sale, it now boasts a) new top end, cylinder, piston and rings, all new plastic. (Now) the bike runs great. My son moved up to a bigger bike (after trashing this one.)

2000 Suzuki RM250 - $900

Translation: After a nasty get-off I've got some serious medical bills and it's this @#$% bike's fault.

1993 Yamaha YZ80 - $550

Translation: I'm getting ready for Armageddon.

You know what, I feel like watching Red Dawn for some reason.

1981 Honda XR250R - $1200

Translation: Wait a second. What kind of a bike starts and runs good but doesn't have power and spews out blue smoke? Everything is "like new" thanks to a spray down of Maxima SC-1. There's a reason why it's called "New dirt bike in a can." Because it helps sell bikes like this one.

1984 Honda XR500 - $800

Translation: Five year old seat cover, tires, cables, clutch and brakes means they all need replacing. This bike would make a great gag gift. Figure out how to start it, then laugh as the recipient of this last minute Christmas gift kicks and kicks and kicks only to watch you throw a leg over and fire it right up.

1985 Honda XR600R? - $1500

Translation: This seller either owns the gnarliest backyard track with monster whoops or has never actually been on a dirt bike and instead found this one in a ditch somewhere, fired it up, looped out and now looking to sell. What's even more interesting is the title itself questions the make and model of this bike and the seller wants you to know that he doesn't know whether to get a new dirt bike or quad with the money from the sale or accept a trade in consisting of another dirt bike or a high-powered two-wheeled racing machine. I'm no profiler but people who freely give too much information are hiding something.

Kawasaki KX80 - $450

Translation: If you don't want to be lied to about the real condition of this bike then don't ask any questions.

1999 Yamaha YZ125 - $1300

Translation: It's been sitting in the garage for years and the seller forgot to put a fuel stabilizer in the gas tank.